Moved Out!

I finally moved out of my parent's home! My room is bigger than my old room, and it feels so Ikea like! LOL

The Guess Entry

Operation complete. Now the time has come to put the cat back into its cave and close the door to the stairwell that leads to the tower in which it rests. As it stands, the cooperation of the elites have succeeded in transforming the brave beings into something which can be obtained by mere thought. Once this has been done, the owners can then prepare for the ultimate course of action to enlighten those who have once passed on their responsibilities to the newcomers that can expect to be shocked by such events.

- D

The Mysterious Flat Tire

A month ago, I was having dinner with a friend. Afterwards, a nice lady pointed out that my tire was flat, so a couple days (!) later, I went to put some air into it.

A few weeks later, the tire was flat again...so I had to pump it up.

Well, I finally got it checked out and I found out that the problem was an 2 inch screw was stuck into my tire!

Well, they fixed the problem and now I have a new screw memento!

Happenstance

Sometimes things have a freaky way of working themselves out.

Way back in 1993, DC Comics decided to kill off Superman. When it came time to collect that storyline into a graphic novel, I was one of the first in line to buy a copy. As it turned out, the entire storyline of Superman’s death and his return became a three-part arc with three different graphic novels released.

I had only purchased the first one: The Death of Superman.



A couple months ago, my best friend went to a conference in another city and visited a used bookstore. In this store, he bought a copy of a Superman graphic novel for me. It turned out to be the second book in the trilogy: A World Without A Superman.



I was pretty excited because it had been 13 years since I had bought the preceding chapter. Now I had the second part of the story. I was more than happy at that point.

Just yesterday, another friend of mine was getting ready to move to another country. Before she left, she gave me a graphic novel…a Superman graphic novel. It turned out to be none other than The Return of Superman, the final chapter of the trilogy.



In my mind I was shocked. These two friends did not know what the other one had given me before, and neither of them knew that I had only the first chapter of the storyline. Some of you might not find this particularly strange…but I did.

So now, after 13 years, all three books are lined up on my shelf. The trilogy is complete. The strange coincidences that occur in life… Thank you, my dear friends.

Distractions

I thought that I would leave this blog for a bit again just to give myself time to process things, but it’s nice to able to write things out here and have a collection of my thoughts.

I was listening to songs all day yesterday as a way to distract myself. I was focusing on work as well. I would have gone crazy if I was just at home alone. At least a work, there are people around so I don’t have the chance to break down.

I got my new 60gb iPod recently so for the first time ever I had my entire music library with me. There are so many songs that I had forgotten that I loved. I was listening to Jann Arden’s “Happy?” album. I think it’s contains the most emotionally resonant songs I’ve heard. The lyrics are so fitting for how I feel….

I’ll give some excerpts:

Hangin; By A Thread
When I cry
When I am sad I think of every awful thing I ever did
Oh When I cry, there is no love,
No there is nothing that can comfort me enough
When I cry,
Cry, cry

The salt inside my body ruins everyone I come close to
My hands are barely holding up my head
I am so tired of looking at my feet
Or all the secrets that I keep

My heart is barely hangin' by a thread
Hangin' by a thread


Wishing That
And when I kissed you
You would almost always kiss me back
But I could tell your mind
was with someone else
Oh my hands are folded
neatly on my lap and I am
picturing your body as I ask myself if

You love me too
Wishing that you love me too
Wishing that


Ode To A Friend
I don't mind if you stay longer
You have not been any trouble
I don't want you to go home yet
can you stay just stay ten more minutes

You are my best friend
I don't know how I'd live
How I love you
every square inch
Love your brown eyes
your forgiveness

Don't go home now
It's past midnight
You can sleep here
we'll have breakfast
Yes

You are my greatest gift
I don't know how I'd live
You are my saving grace
You are by heart my true friend


I was just listening to these songs of hers all day. I don't know why when you're sad, you want to listen to sad music. I always thought people should listen to happy music to boost their spirits. But now, I think people listen to sad music to help them bring out those emotions they're afraid to face.

Things continue to change

Well, here I am.

The reason that I haven’t been updating my blog is because I’ve been busy living a roller coaster of a relationship with a guy.

In between the space of the last and this posting, a relationship began and ended. It actually ended twice…

For the past 2 months, I had been involved with a guy who I met through a friend. We had a connection that I still think was special. We were able to be utterly honest with each other. But with totally honesty comes pain…mostly on my end.

In the beginning of the relationship, I had thought that I was the one keeping the distance. I didn’t want to get too involved with this person because I thought I wasn’t truly in love with them. It was my first relationship and thinking statistically, it wasn’t going to be my last. So with that utilitarian frame in mind, I thought I was just exploring and seeing where things went.

Turns out, I had underestimated how much that other person wanted to be with me. In the end, it was he who wanted to break up because he wasn’t sure he really loved me. The thing I really admired about our short-lived relationship was that we could be so honest and I was happy that he told me the truth as soon as he realized it. It was painful for me to hear him say it and it was totally unexpected how I felt about it. I had thought that I would be able to handle a break up, but in reality I had underestimated my own feelings towards him. I cried. I cried so much. He did too. Looking back on the whole roller coaster, I think I really did love him.

We tried being friends and all. I was actually determined not to become one of those people that says they want to be friends but never do. We had shared something special and if we were no longer together, I at least wanted to salvage the closeness and friendship we felt towards each other. It would have been a shame to lose that connection.

Our resulting “friendship” was complicated to say the least. We would still act like boyfriends but in the back of our minds we knew it couldn’t last. We were going to move on and meet other people.

Well, an hour ago, he called. He had gone on a date with a guy and went back to his apartment. I don’t really have to explain what happened next, but at least he was honest enough to tell me what had transpired.

I’m trying really hard to feel happy for him…I mean, if it means he’s happier with that other person, then that’s what I want for him. I want him to be happy. Of course there’s that side of me that's extremely upset and sad…but that makes me feel like I’m really selfish, so I try to push those thoughts out….

After he hung up, I was shivering. I didn’t really know why. It was like I was freezing, but I wasn’t cold at all. I think what I’m feeling right now is total isolation. There was this person that I was extremely close to and now there’s no one. I am alone. Before I got in this relationship, I didn’t mind being single…but now that I’ve experienced the closeness and comfort that a boyfriend can provide, I feel…cold.

So now it’s officially over. Only now do I understand why those couples that say they want to be friends don’t work out. It’s too painful to see someone that you once cared for so deeply to be in another person’s arms. It’s almost less painful not to see them at all.

Through all this pain, I don’t regret meeting him and getting involved. We shared many happy moments that I would not trade for anything.

I truly hope he finds happiness.

Things Change

Things have been crazy recently. One of my friends has been having a hard time financially. He had to move out of his apartment and has been crashing at friend's places this last week.

Work has been picking up constantly, so that's been keeping me very busy. It's good cause that means I'm getting more income coming in. hehe

Besides all that, apparently I'm dating some now...

Busy

Work started to pick up these past weeks, so I haven't really had time to update this blog. I'm enjoying my job as it keeps me busy. Although, I do miss being able to vegg out most days.

A couple friends have had birthdays or are going to have them soon, so I've been going out at night a lot more than I really wanted. I'm not really a bar fly and would rather sit in a coffee shop taking it easy. I find it really stressful on the body to go out clubbing all the time. I usually need a day afterward to recover from the ordeal, so having to do that a lot more frequently these past weeks have been a difficult adjustment. Combine that with more work from my job and it's a bad combination.

I finally got some mileage from my webcam that I bought last month. My friend who moved to HK last year also has a webcam, so we've been catching up via webchat on MSN. It's pretty cool because I get to see and hear him which is a lot better than just typing to him on instant messenger.

Speaking of which, I've been finding myself on MSN a lot recently. Although the same reservations I had about MSN are still true (such as taking 2 hours to talk about something that could have been conveyed in 10 minutes on the phone), I find that since I've been going on MSN more frequently, I've also become closer to some friends which probably would not have occurred had it not been for late night chats on Messenger.

Anyway. It's late now. Time to sleep.