Thanks for sharing your story

I want to give a shout out to Secret Simon! I've been following his ordeal and I wish him the best. May this new stage of your life bring you peace and happiness.

Cash: Don't leave home without it

Yesterday I had lunch with LF after my meeting with my advisor. We end up at a little Japanese restaurant on Broadway near Cambie. After we ordered, I realized that I didn't have any cash on me. But I wasn't really worried cause I thought such a restaurant would probably take credit...or debit.

I ask LF, "Hey do you think they take credit here? I didn't bring any cash!" She looks around and says, "probably". Then she asks the waitress, "Do you only accept cash here?" to which the happy reply was "YES. Only cash." LF and I look at each other for a second, then we both scramble for our wallets to double check if we have enough cash. Luckily, she had $13 and some change, and I, being the gentleman that I am, chip in with $1 that I found hidden in the recesses of my wallet.

Suffice to say, we didn't have to wash any dishes. We had JUST enough. On a side note, the food was pretty good!

A needed kick in the ass!

Well, I handed in a rough draft of a write-up describing how I'm constructing my dependent variable. I was relieved that there were no significant changes necessary from my advisor. The next step for this weekend is to do the same for my independent variables. He wants a similar write-up by monday. This means that I'll probably be working my ass off this weekend.

I don't really mind how he's pushing me to get this done. If it wasn't for him motivating me, I'd probably be dragging this project out.

Anyways, I'm on campus right now. Going to have lunch with LF and catch up. She's getting married soon and I couldn't be happier for her!

Aaron Loftin

Alright. So I was surfing the net when I came across Aaron's pictures. I totally fell out of my seat! To say this guy is good looking is an understatement! I've always had a thing for Abercrombie guys. If my friends are reading this, too bad. What can I say. I'm gay, deal with it.

Check out more of Aaron @ aaronloftin.com and you can see an interview clip of him HERE.

Scared of my own shadow

There's this guy in my program who's gay. Everyone knows he's gay and he's proud of it. The problem is, he thinks I'm straight. I guess I sort of led him to believe this, but I was still very much in the closet when I first met him, so you can't really blame me...Can you?

It's been two years since I've met this guy and yet I still can't get the balls to tell him I'm queer. Today was the perfect example. I had actually planned to tell him today, but chickened out at the last minute. I'm not sure what I'm scared of...it's not like he'll freak out or anything...I mean, he's gay as well! And it's not like I want to date him (I wouldn't mind, but I value his friendship more)...it's rather that I want him to show me the ropes...introduce me to people. Stuff like that.

Maybe I just don't know how to bring it up. "By the way, I'm not straight." Hmm...that's as good as way as any I guess. Maybe next week when I arrange to "accidentally" run into him.

Procrastination, No More!

I had a fairly productive day. Went to see my advisor and he definitely advised me! I really respect this professor. He's the first authority figure who I really, truly respect and admire. In any case, I got my dependent variable in one of my data sets to conform to a normal distribution! I can't believe how happy this makes me.

I'm suppose to do a write-up by Friday. This gives me only a day and a half. Which is OK. I think I got the meat of it done tonight. So that leaves me an entire day tomorrow to finesse the rest of the assignment. I'm really moving on with my thesis! For a while there I felt I was in a holding pattern...but now I can feel this project moving forward!

Don't forget to lock your door!

This is totally hilarious. The best example of what can happen if you don't double check that your door is locked! hahahah

Check it out. Thanks to Kontraband.com

Fast Metabolism: A Gift or a Curse?

I'm a pretty slight guy. I'm about 6 feet tall but weight around 118 pounds. All the men in my family are similarly as thin. It's not like I eat healthy foods. I eat pizzas and hamburgers without a care in the world. Unfortunately, I don't gain a pound as a result of it. My brother eats a lot more than me, but he's just as skinny.

What's the problem here? I've recently been trying to gain some weight. It's always been something I'd like to do, but I've just never had the motivation to do it. But a couple weeks ago, something click in me. I had a strong desire and motivation to gain some weight. Perhaps it was seeing all these buff guys in the gym that finally pushed me over the edge. I always feel so embarrassed working out next to these muscular men. It's intimidating.

My routine for the past week and a half has been to supplement my meals with protein shakes. The amount of milk I've been drinking in a week has been more than I usually drink in a few months...and that's only after a week! I down about 2 litres in a day and a half! In the past, the carton would have lasted me at least 3 weeks.

I'm trying to think positively, but also realistically. I'm aiming to gain at least 5 pounds this month. That might not sound like much, but I found out that it's next to impossible for me to break the 120lb mark. I'm hoping that this time I'll be successful.

Wish me luck!

Shopping Withdrawal

Currently, I'm typing this from my bed. I've been incapacitated ever since this afternoon. I woke up this morning feeling a little light-headed. I'm not even sure now what brought this on. I'm guessing it's a head cold or something likely as insignificant.

This morning, not heeding the warnings my body was telling me, I drove down to The Comicshop on West 4th for their annual half-price sale. I was hoping to get some good deals on some figures that I had passed up for one reason or another. Unfortunately I left the store empty handed. Nothing really caught my eye. I was actually contemplating buying something just for the heck of it...after all, I did wake up early just to go to this thing. But my better judgment got the best of me and I placed the pity purchase back on the pegs.

Seeing as I drove all the way to the Westend with nothing to show for it, I figured I might as well drop off at Little Sisters to check if they had any new issues of Xodus or XY. I get down to Davie Street, which feels totally different when you're driving down it rather than walking, and pull into the store's parking lot. Not five minutes later, I leave the store with the same feeling of dissatisfaction.

While inside the store, I see two guys standing in the aisle that I need to get through. I pass by them and hear that they're speaking mandarin. As I leave the store I pass by the same couple again, but as I am about to pass them, they give me the strangest look. A look of resentment. I'm not exactly sure what I did to deserve this glare. Maybe it's because they feared I was listening in on their conversation. In all honesty, I had absolutely no idea what they were saying as I don't speak mandarin!

Anyway, I guess I should have just stayed home today and gotten some rest. Apparently I would not have missed much, and maybe I would not be feeling so dizzy right now...maybe it's because I didn't get my fix of shopping today. One can only take so much disappointment.

Japanese Sex Chair

This link is for my friend. Apparently only the Japanese would invent such a contraption...and make a demonstration video for it as well!

Don't worry my straight brethren. This video features a woman.
Check it out here, courtesy of muchosucko.com.

Queerclick warms my peg!

If you're a sick little puppy like me, you'll enjoy Queerclick. Sometimes funny, sometimes downrights sexy. I make a habit to check it everyday :-)

Thanks to the guys at Queerclick for the link to my blog!

Boy'z Splitting Up

My favorite Hong Kong boy band is breaking up. "Boy'z" made up of Steven and Kenny (the long haired one) are going their separate ways. Apparently Kenny is going to be trying out a solo career while a new member will be recruited to join up with Steven to make up the new Boy'z duo. There's a rumor that the reason they are splitting is that Kenny is getting too old. He's not old, he's only 23! Their label apparently disagrees with me.

Although this group was more hype than talent, I have to admit that they did have more than a few good songs during their career. In fact their latest album contains one of my favorite!

As long as Kenny is still producing songs in the future, I'll be a happy camper :-)

Cathartic Release

Today was a short day for me. I over slept, something that I really enjoy doing...that is until I realize I did it. I rolled out of bed around noon to a quiet house. When I saw what time it was, I felt panic set in at the thought that half the day was already over!

Checked the mail and found my mobile bill which pissed me off (see previous post). I spend an hour dealing with that mess and still I don't have satisfaction. Anyway, I don't get to work on my thesis till around 3pm. The hours just seemed to fly by.

I try to sort out my work and get a clear picture of what's going on in my data set by writing it out. That always seems to work with me. I'm an incessant note taker. Two hours later, I have nice document all typed out with little graphs to help me visualize my problematic data.

I get side tracked once again due to my desire to procrastinate and end up cleaning my entire room. There's something about throwing out the crap in my room that is so relaxing. Perhaps it's the distraction from my work that I enjoy. In any case, my room is looking very neat and tidy.

I never realized how much of a pack rat I am until I have to throw stuff out. Old newspaper, envelopes, receipts, scrap paper...the list goes on. Why did I keep this stuff in the first place? Psychologists say that people who fear the outside world tend to hoard useless belongings as a way of feeling safe. Maybe that's what's going on with me?

Am I a loner? Besides my small group of close friends...small being 5....I don't really hang out with other people. A girl who was in my masters program (lets call her LF) jokingly said I was very anti-social. I don't think she was far off. LF and I ended up being really good friends. I really enjoyed having a girl to talk to as my close friends are all guys and straight. It was fun to bounce ideas off of someone who had a totally different perspective than I was used to.

What was my point? oh yeah...anti-social. I don't think I'm anti-social. I think I'm a sociopath...hahah. When I meet people, I can be very engaging. But it's all an act...that is, until I get to know them some more. I think I've spent so much of my life perfecting my abilities to lie (being in the closet and all), that I can put on the perfect facade for the right occasion. The funny thing is that once someone finds out I'm gay, I seem to lose my ability to lie to that person. Once that happens, the ace up my sleeve has been taken away. My biggest secret has been exposed. After that, what's the point in lying anymore?

If you're read this post in its entirety, you'll realize that there is no central theme to this rant. I initially thought that I would share how cleaning my room was a way for me to relax, but I just realized it now that this post was a way for me to release some of my stress. An exercise in free association. One thought flowing into the next...nothing connecting them except what came immediately before.

Hmm...I do feel a little better now :-)

Gay Penguins?

Hmm...that's pretty interesting actually. Check out the full scoop here.

FIDO screws me out of $50

My mobile phone company lied to me! I signed an agreement last month to keep my $40 cityfido plan and got the Sony Ericsson z600 at the same time for $200. Then prior to my 14 return period I see that the fido store in Metrotown had a $50 additional bonus off a handset with contract. I call into customer service and ask them for this credit. The girl on the other line said that she will credit me the money.

Today my bill arrives and guess what? No credit. I call in and the CSR says that there's no comments on my account about a credit so they can't do anything about it!I was actually debating whether to change to the Motorola V400 or keep the z600 during my 14 day return period, but seeing that I could get the z600 for $150 sealed the deal. Now I feel like they just told me they would credit me so that I would stay past the return period and have me locked into their contract!!!I'm totally pissed. I asked to speak to a supervisor, but they said he can't take my call right now but he will call me back within two business days.

Why did that stupid CSR tell me she would credit me in the first place?! Why didn't she make a comment on my account!? This sucks!

Damn CD-R's!!!!

So you've taken those once-in-a-lifetime pictures on your new digital camera and archived them onto cd-r's? Don't let your guard down yet. That important data may still be at risk!

Today I pulled out an old cd that I burned a couple years ago. I put it in my drive and BAM! It won't read anymore! FUCK! I lost a bunch of pictures and video clips that I won't be able to get back.

What a fucking frustrating day!

Nice Axe!

Just incase by my last post you think I've been seduced by the dark side, Angel also had an appearance by Vincent Kartheiser who reprised his role of Connor, Angel's son. He plays an 18 year old but he's actually 25! He's one of the reasons I love the show. See? I'm still gay. Calm down.

Something for the Heteros

Today I was going over my Angel Season 5 set which I got up bright and early to get. This show was the best! I was so sad to see it go off the air and revisiting these episodes only made me feel that it left before its time.

Season 5 contained the 100th episode which also happens to be one of their all-time greatest episodes. It also marked the return of Charisma Carpenter (pictured above in her Playboy appearance). Even though I'm gay, I think she's totally hot! Only a fool would say otherwise!

Is silence a good thing?

I got some more work done tonight. This is a relief as I totally neglected to do any work on Monday. I think I'll do some more tomorrow as I just found out that I'm missing one of my variables in my data set and have to re-download it. It's no big problem, but I'm still pissed that my variables are not normally distributed.

Onto another thought. I recently asked my friend Chem to tell Paint that I'm a queer. Paint is the last guy in our clique that didn't know that I'm gay. I guess you could say it went ok. I saw Paint this week and he acted exactly the same way as he did before. The thing that's bugging me is that he didn't mention that he knew at all...and I'm not sure if I should bring it up. When Chem told him about my "situation" I wasn't present. So I can't really say how he initially took the news. I'm taking his silence as a sign that he really doesn't think it makes a difference in our friendship.

I got some work done!

Finally, I was able to sit down and work on my thesis data. I simplified the number of variables as well as completed the value labels on the items! Now I won't be confused about the recoded items I did weeks ago!

What pisses me off is that none of my distributions are particularly normal. But I guess that's the way life is...nothing ever is as simple as in the examples in class :-(

My main concern is whether I can still use linear OLS regression with these non-normally distributed scale variables?....I guess I'll have to talk to my advisor about this. I ran a linear regression just for fun on my data sets and unfortunately, none of the relationships that I hypothesized were significant...this is a real downer, because it would mean that my theory is incorrect. At least I can take comfort in knowing that this is just the process of science and being unable to reject the null hypothesis is not the end of the world.

Reincarnation?

I saw this dog a couple of weeks ago at the pound and I think he's really cute. He reminds me so much of my old dog that passed away a couple months ago.

Monday Television Pleasures

Well, my Valentine's night was spent watching some entertaining shows. MEDIUM is a show that I accidentally caught one night and it has really grown on me. I don't know if it's the supernatural aspect or Patricia Arquette. Hmm...it's probably the supernatural aspects. It was another excellent episode and I eagerly anticipate the next installment.

My Monday night ritual also involves watching DEGRASSI: The Next Generation. Man...what a stupid title, but I guess it's accurate. Kevin Smith finished up his guest stint on this show. This was his third appearance on the Canadian drama. Apparently, Mr. Smith has a thing for the Degrassi show. Watch Chasing Amy and you'll know what I'm talking about. Kevin played himself on this show and unfortunately he had one scene where he came off as a total jerk. I don't know whether to feel sorry for him or to congratulate him for being so honest.

p.s. Angel season 5 comes out on DVD tomorrow. I'll be in the lineup at Future Shop bright and early to pick up this baby. This last box set will be the final season needed to finish my Complete Joss Whedon Collection. All the episodes for Buffy, Firefly, and Angel will be available for my enjoyment any time I wish! (insert mad scientist laugh)

Another Day, Another....Oh Fuck This!

Why can't I seem to get any work done?! Another day has gone by and I don't feel like I've gotten much of a dent in my work. I still need to analyze the measure for my thesis. I've done most of it (I think), but I still feel hesitant about meeting with my advisor to go over my findings. Shit! I feel like totally shit!

On one hand I want to just get his opinion and be able to move on, but on the other, I feel so scared of failure. Why oh why did I choose this path for my life. Seriously, after I'm all finished writing my thesis and graduate, I'm going to take a year off and try to find something I really want to spend the rest of my life doing...I don't care if it's totally different from what I'm doing now! I might even try massage therapy...Sounds pretty cool, and I think it would be a lot more enjoyable than analyzing large data sets for a living!

Alright, enough self regret for one night. Tomorrow I'm going to finish up what I can for my analysis and schedule an appointment with my advisor to go over my stuff.

Basketball in Vancouver: Part II

So, there we are playing bball and what do you know? People come up and ask up to play a game. Reluctantly, I agree since my friends wanted to play (2 came out. Let's call them Chem and Paint). I don't mind, cause they love the game and who am I to deprive them of that pleasure?

Three people from China (Mandarin speaking) and the three of us (English speaking) play a game. It's alright. The guy I'm checking is kinda chubby and not very good looking. Totally not the hot jock I was expecting to check! But I make the best of it.

After the game, I am ready to quit. I'm was totally not into it. My 2 friends contine to play and I watch from the sidelines. I totally don't mind just watching. I think I have a much better time observing the testosterone overtake friendly competition.

The game gets pretty heated as Chem and this not unattractive boy from Bejing get in some disagreements. No basketball brawls or anything, but it was intersting to see how these guys resolve or not resolve their problems on the court.

Long story short, Chem hurts his ankle and is out for the game. I suggest going to a local food establishment to get some ice. These people who work at this "restaurant" are total assholes. I had to beg before they would allow me to get a little bit of ice for my injured friend. They said, "we're not a charity!". Well, with that kind of customer appreciation, I'm sure I won't ever be going back to that restaurant again! How much could a couple cubes of ice possible be worth compared to the human suffereing than might ensue had I not gotten the ice. I mean, come on, some places shove the ice into my drink despite me asking them not to!

Oh yeah, today's Valentines day. I'll be spending it tonight with someone I love. Myself. Hahah. Take that to mean whatever you want. I'm not going to sulk around and feel sorry that I don't have someone to spend this hallmark created occassion with.

Basketball in Vancouver

Another gloomy day in Vancouver. Isn't it fitting that it's also Valentines day?

I'm about to leave my house. My friend (who is straight and single) asks me to go play some basketball at the court near my house. I say "alright". The back of my mind is still reeling from the thought of last day's athletic outing. I'm not very good at basketball...hell, I'm not good at sports at all! Basketball is one of those games where the supply of courts just doesn't meet the demand. People always come up to you and asks if you want to play a game with them...I hate playing games with strangers. They always feel so competative!

The only bright side I can come up with is that I get some full on contact with sweaty guys...hmm...maybe it's not so bad after all!

Procrastination

It's Sunday night. Reading week is upon me. I'm suppose to be working on my thesis, so...I decide to create a blog. This is the story of my life.

Hmm....first post. I guess it would be rude of me not to introduce myself and give you some info. Peg warming. It's a term used to describe things (usually toys) that don't sell. These unwanted action figures are left, sitting on their little pegs, keeping them from being cold. Yep. I sat around for at least 30 minutes trying to come up with a good name, and THIS is what I come up with.

Perhaps this name isn't so bad after all. I can think of another way to interpret the term. A way that is totally sexual in nature, but yet is quite accurate in describing my particular tendencies. That's right. I'm a guy....and I want to be a peg warmer. (quiet whispers)

Hahah. But as least it lets you know two things about me. One, I'm totally into toys (the action figure variety, not the adult), and two, I'm totally into boys. Toys & Boys...that's me!

I think that's enough for tonight. Let's see if this experiement in procrastination lasts more than one night. If it does, maybe I'll be inclined to share more on this thing we call a blog.